When IT Strikes Me
After my I had Melody, my 5 child, I was ecstatic because she was the last(so I thought) but I was completely stressed as soon as she was born because she had respiratory problems and was placed in the NICU for 5 days.
I always say too much knowledge is a bad thing. It makes you anxious when you know things are going wrong.
Melody was a scheduled cesarean because I was getting a tubal ligation but I believe they took her too soon, like a while entire month too soon. She should have been an August baby instead of July but I'm not an obstetrician, right? Oh well, I guess. It's done now. Anyways, when my sweet Melody arrived I heard nothing. Nothing. Nursing school, agency work in mother/baby at UMMC, all these other babies I've had, have all taught me babies cry immediately at birth unless something is wrong.
They took my sweet Melody to the corner and worked on her immediately. Then when stable sent her directly to the NICU with Jason right behind them. I didn't even get to see my sweety pie. After my sweet Melly's stint in the NICU, that teeny tiny peanut came home. I have no idea what they did to get my baby into tip-top shape but she literally has the strongest lungs in the house. Or maybe I mean the LOUDEST.
When attending my 6-week check-up, I took their little new mom survey. Instead of giving the answering the questions with my normal, "this is how it should be the correct answer", I actually answered each question honestly, from my perspective. Following the exam, the doctor talked to me about my mental health & I was like "dude chill"😒. He diagnosed me with post-partum depression. I was in way worse shape than what I thought.
I told Jason about my visit & he completely brushed it off...Men. I had a return visit & I was actually feeling worse than at my previous visit. I declined taking medication that they wanted to prescribe me but apparently when you decline they have another trick up their sleeve. They send registered nurses to your home to do mental health checks on you. 😲 Well, I certainly wasn't expecting THAT. They basically wanted to make sure I had a village & taught coping methods.
I know this seems a bit long for me so I'll fast forward a bit. 🕐🕑🕓🕔🕕🕖🕙🕛 The funny thing about depression, it doesn't really go away. W. T F. It's like Satan, off in the shadows just waiting to rear its ugly head and anything could spark it up into a full-blown fit that takes days to push it back into the shadows. It's an ever going battle. This is why I cried for 7 days straight. It wasn't the first time I started crying for nothing. This past year has been an emotional rollercoaster of unknown etiology. That's medical talk for I have no idea why. We just wanted to play a little, tears. Why didn't you just XYZ, tears. Oh shit, I forgot QRS, tears. Literally, any & everything set off the waterworks. Do you see where I'm getting at here? Nowhere near the time for Aunt Flo so I can rule those emotions out.
I have "Hello Darkness, My Old Friend" (that song actually gives me the chills) moments that I sometimes welcome because it's just easier to let him have a few moments. It's kinda like going ahead & having a Dove nugget on the spot when a chocolate urge rises so you don't get ridiculous by holding the urge off & BOOM the whole bag is gone. LOL, but it happens sometimes. My current coping mechanisms besides avoiding drowning myself in carbs, LIFT & STRETCH, WORK, EAT, FUCK, SLEEP. Yes, in that order. No judging here. To each his own. And yes you better believe there's more to add about my coping mechanisms but I'll save those for another post. LOL. Hey checkout my Melody:
When attending my 6-week check-up, I took their little new mom survey. Instead of giving the answering the questions with my normal, "this is how it should be the correct answer", I actually answered each question honestly, from my perspective. Following the exam, the doctor talked to me about my mental health & I was like "dude chill"😒. He diagnosed me with post-partum depression. I was in way worse shape than what I thought.
I told Jason about my visit & he completely brushed it off...Men. I had a return visit & I was actually feeling worse than at my previous visit. I declined taking medication that they wanted to prescribe me but apparently when you decline they have another trick up their sleeve. They send registered nurses to your home to do mental health checks on you. 😲 Well, I certainly wasn't expecting THAT. They basically wanted to make sure I had a village & taught coping methods.
I know this seems a bit long for me so I'll fast forward a bit. 🕐🕑🕓🕔🕕🕖🕙🕛 The funny thing about depression, it doesn't really go away. W. T F. It's like Satan, off in the shadows just waiting to rear its ugly head and anything could spark it up into a full-blown fit that takes days to push it back into the shadows. It's an ever going battle. This is why I cried for 7 days straight. It wasn't the first time I started crying for nothing. This past year has been an emotional rollercoaster of unknown etiology. That's medical talk for I have no idea why. We just wanted to play a little, tears. Why didn't you just XYZ, tears. Oh shit, I forgot QRS, tears. Literally, any & everything set off the waterworks. Do you see where I'm getting at here? Nowhere near the time for Aunt Flo so I can rule those emotions out.
I have "Hello Darkness, My Old Friend" (that song actually gives me the chills) moments that I sometimes welcome because it's just easier to let him have a few moments. It's kinda like going ahead & having a Dove nugget on the spot when a chocolate urge rises so you don't get ridiculous by holding the urge off & BOOM the whole bag is gone. LOL, but it happens sometimes. My current coping mechanisms besides avoiding drowning myself in carbs, LIFT & STRETCH, WORK, EAT, FUCK, SLEEP. Yes, in that order. No judging here. To each his own. And yes you better believe there's more to add about my coping mechanisms but I'll save those for another post. LOL. Hey checkout my Melody:
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| Jason wheeling me over to the NICU to visit my baby-boo-boo. |
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| Melly Mel on her birthday 2015. |
